Weird Bloke in the Pub Says.. "Did you know Joanna Lumley has got a plastic bum-hole? Yeh apparently she used to dust her ring with cocaine and it burnt it off. Another round son?"
British eccentric first amateur astronaut to fly to the moon
A retired Yorkshire man has become the first amateur astronaut to successfully laucnh a home-made rocket into space and reach the moon.
Scientists discover what the coolest thing ever is
Scientists were jubilant yesterday after discovering what the coolest thing ever is, after many years of research and doing complicated mathematics and that.
Scientists see inside man's brain for first time - find nothing surprising
Researchers at Cambridge University - who have for the first time been able to scan and visually project the thoughts of the human male mind onto a computer screen - said they found absolutely nothing surprising.
Scientists discover that quantum effects occur on a macroscopic scale with the Royal Mail
Physicists were jubilant yesterday when it was confirmed that all this really cool quantum stuff we read about, such as something being in two places at once, do not just happen on a microscopic scale - they occur on a daily basis within our macroscopic world, as a recent study of the Royal Mail proves.
Chinese scientists grow a cloned monkey on man's balls
A group of scientists from Beijing are the first in the world to grow a genetically cloned monkey on a man's testicle sack.
Archaeologists rediscover the lost civilisation of Myspace
Archaeologists and historians the world over were jubilant last night when experts from the 'Time Team' TV programme made a historic rediscovery of Myspace, which had long been thought lost to the modern civilisation of Facebook.
Japan still on track to create world's first sex-robot by 2012
Despite the ongoing economic crisis and power shortages caused by the recent earthquake, tsunami and nuclear disaster, Japanese researchers are still on schedule to create a fully-functioning sex android by 2012.
Angler inventor creates "Wonder-Maggot"
An Oxfordshire angler has stunned the scientific world by genetically engineering a nuclear "super-maggot".
Experts say super long hot summer will bring bumper bogey crop
Grolly-growers were jubilant last night when long range weather forecasters said that we would probably be in for a super hot and long summer, thus ensuring a bumper year for quality shonkberries.
Apple Ipad 4 details leaked, offers the path to immortality
Apple CEO Steve Jobs was left furious after details of the new Apple Ipad 4 were leaked on a popular technology website, which hints that the new tablet will include a hologram generator, exo-suit and an immortality dock.
Beards with men on them still unattractive to the opposite sex, latest survey claims
A recent poll has found that female beards are still not greatly enamoured of male beards that have grown men on them, with 87% percent still finding it a massive turnoff.
Apple users much sexier than PC users - official confirmation
A panel of world leading experts representing multiple fields of medicine, engineering and art have confirmed what everyone suspected - Apple computer owners are far sexier and more likeable than PC users.
Paulsgrove scratter builds car that runs on water, solves world energy problems
A dole-swindling scratter from Portsmouth is being hailed as a mechanical genius after building a car that runs entirely on pure water.
Evil supervillian reveals first ever atomic superman who will conquer the world
Evil supervillian Doktor Emil Stumpfetisch-Death unveiled the first in a race of deadly atomic superrmen at a conference in Barking last night.
