The Dark Knight Rises 'better than sex with Mila Kunis covered in peanut butter' claims posh critic

In Entertainment on Tuesday, 17 July 2012

Toffe-nosed critics are loving The Dark Knight Rises and would definitely give that Anne Hathaway a good porking

A posh movie critic who usually writes scathing reviews for anything that doesn't star Audrey Tautou or fails to feature a poignant flash of unkempt pubis halfway through a brooding monologue by a Gitane-smoking sex addict, has called The Dark Knight Rises 'a masterpiece'.

Stuffy and hard-to-please film reviewer Jerome Fortescue even went as far to say that TDKR was 'better than sex with Mila Kunis covered in peanut butter'.

Fortescue - who ordinarily only bothers to attend obscure plays at provincial theatres which typically deal with the dual themes of birth and death in a pastiche of 'Twelfth Night' - told the Observer magazine that The Dark Knight Rises was "..off the fucking chain", and would "bang that Catwoman right into next Wednesday, the sexy bitch."

The infamous reviewer, who previously described hugely popular comic-book movie 'The Avengers' as a "steaming Hollywood pus pile of dog's anal gland piccalilli", also temporarily relaxed his hatred and loathing of working and lower middle class Hollywood film fans to attend an ordinary multiplex cinema in the heart of Surrey. Mingling shoulder-to-shoulder with peasants, Fortescue described the premier screening event experience as "sleazy and bothersome but somewhat exhilarating."

The Dark Knight Rises opening nationwide on 20th July, and definitely does not star bat-nipples or that fat bloke with a flat top off Top Gun.