Heston Blumenthal ready to serve up cloned woolly mammoth menu
Unconventional celebrity chef Heston Blumenthal is ready to challenge the nation's palettes once again, after striking a secret deal with Japanese scientists to get his hands on some cloned woolly mammoth meat.
The famous 'Fat Duck' restaurant proprietor - a self-taught chef who started his career as a professional snooker ball - believes in a few years mammoth meat with be a common ingredient in all UK fridges, alongside Findus Crispy Pancakes, Goodfellas pizza or diced turkey breast pieces.
"Look, if those Japanese scientists manage to pull off the cloned mammoth thing, that will be a ton of meat to go around for the population. I predict we'll all be chewing on a mammoth tusk in the future, this gargantuan animal could feed the third world.”
“Although it will more likely just feed the poshos who can afford my restaurant prices."
Not to be outdone, Pound Puppy-faced celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay waded in and told his poor beleaguered staff they had better prepare to be serving such exotic delights as sautéed sabre-tooth tiger, poached dodo and grilled ‘those horses with zebra strips things’ in the very near future. The potty-mouthed ex-footballer added, "I'll cook up something more extinct and tastier than that bald fucker Blumenthal!"
Traditional foodists were not so impressed with the Blumenthal's novel plans however, with one north east chip shop owner telling us they had never heard anything quite so revolting as woolly mammoth meat, before tucking into a pickled egg smothered with lard.
Other recent stories...
Outside Toilet humbly offer these hand-picked comedy products you'll like if you enjoy our style of humour...