Weird Bloke in the Pub Says.. "Did you know Joanna Lumley has got a plastic bum-hole? Yeh apparently she used to dust her ring with cocaine and it burnt it off. Another round son?"
Breaking News Today
Hollywood goes gaga for doggie facelifts
Hollywood stars are queuing up to transform their pampered pet's hangdog expressions
Hollywood A-listers bored of putting themselves under the knife, are now having their pampered pooches nipped and tucked in the latest plastic surgery craze sweeping Tinseltown – doggie plastic surgery.
Movie stars such as John Travolta, Sylvester Stallone, Meg Ryan and Christopher Biggins are all lining up to smooth out Fido's wrinkles or cut a little off Benji's belly.
Hollywood's local vets are cashing in on the boom - charging up to $28,000 to take a few inches off a Labrador’s waist, or tuck back a cocker spaniel's unruly ears.
Sol Fluffenburg - a top canine plastic surgeon with a busy Beverly Hills practise told us how many celebs are tired of their hang-dog pooches old look and simply want a fresh, new makeover for their furry friends. The most popular treatments so far this year have been tail-extensions ($4,800), ham-tongue reduction surgery ($8,000) and removal of the inner-nasal scent receptors so the animal will stop snuffing at crotches and warm, musty seats where bums have been sat ($42,000).
Glamorous fuckwit Paris Hilton recently paid an undisclosed sum to have an iPhone grafted onto her chiwawa Dave, in an effort to create the ‘ultimate fashion accessory’. Using pioneering technology, the iPhone is charged up slightly whenever the tiny dog runs around rapidly in circles, chasing it's own shadow in a fevered delirium of selectively-bred stupidity.
Read more amusing rubbish in Entertainment...
More comedy bollox from around the world this week...
Singing sensation Lama Del Rey insists 'I am not manufactured'
Chart topping sensation Lama Del Rey has hit back at critics who claim she is the creation of record industry stylists and image makers, stating that she has never had any procedures to change her appearance.
Hale and Pace discovered under Siberian permafrost
Long-extinct 'comedy' duo Gareth Hale and Norman Pace - thought to of died out decades ago - have be unearthed in almost perfect intact condition under the Siberian permafrost by a Russian oil drilling company.
Leaked White House paper reveals 'everyone on Earth to be terrorist by 2015'
A document posted on the infamous Wikileaks website has revealed that the US congress are likely to consider everyone in the world who is not a Mormon ex-banker working in the White House as a 'domestic terrorist' by 2015. Any person who takes the piss out of the George Bush on Facebook, practices atheism in public without a written permit, or plays the bongos at parties will be tagged as an immediate and serious terror threat (although we might concede that last one).
Scotland erects 'Irn-Bru Curtain' to keep English bastards out
As part of its move for independence, Scottish ministers are planning to erect a wall of pissed-up, scary-friendly 'Buckie Jocks' along the border to intimidate any meddling English bastards who want to continue poking around in their affairs.
Confused and homeless Emu found wandering near Morecambe Bay sands
Hobbies with Ban Ki Moon - UN Secretary General and Presidential Candidate for the Airfix Modellers' Club
Tipton man in hospital with a bad arse after his extensive comb-over gets caught by storm-force winds
Bear Grylls in trouble for accidentally eating some ramblers
